Chapter Four
"What was the point in crying when there was no one there to comfort you? And what was worse, when you couldn't even comfort yourself?"
I had finally stopped crying. My nose was running, my eyes were red rimmed, and my wrist throbbed painfully, but I had stopped crying. And when the tears stopped, the blade went motionless. I shivered underneath the cover wrapped around my trembling body. I jumped and thunder boomed, the outside lighting up.
I walked into my bathroom, shutting the door with a click behind me. I slid to the floor. The cover dropped off of me as I put my back against the wooden door. My knees were held to my chest, and I slowly shut my eyes. And I entered my own little dreamland, where he was still here.
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The sun shone down on us while we sat on a park bench. I was silent while he talked to his mother. Talked wasn't the correct word. Screamed, fought, argued; those would be the proper term. He was shaking as the words shot out of his phone, loud enough for me to hear.
I pressed myself closer to him, refusing to leave his side. He was cracking under the pressure of life. I'd noticed that over the past few weeks. But I was determined to keep him alive, keep him with me. He'd almost committed last week, but I was fast. I got his message, telling me that he'd be better off gone. But I'd run to his house in record time, and found him about to hang himself.
I was hysterical screaming and crying, my voice cracking at every word. I remembered the incident so well.
"Don't leave me," I whispered, "Please."
He'd shook his head no, mouthing I should leave. But I'd declined, running over and plastering myself to his body, my face buried into his chest. His arms wrapped around me, his hands stroking my hair like he'd done so many times.
I was shot back to reality by the scream of him. "No!"
My grip tightened. I would never let go of him, no matter what happens. *Never*. His phone clattered to the sidewalk in front of us, and he slowly hugged me back. I stared up at the disappearing sun. His chin was set on top of my head, and in my mind I told myself that I wanted to stay this way forever. Silent, peaceful, together.
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I woke up from the dream. I shivered against the cool tile floor, and lifted myself from the ground. My wrists were bloody and raw. My skin was blotchy, my hair a mess. I looked exactly like I had when he'd left me forever. Then, I looked at myself in the mirror one last time, and mouthed the name I'd vowed never to speak again.
His name; Max.
